Marla Mouse

the long stretch

2007-02-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

It's been an awefully long time since my last post. It's amazing how school makes time fly. Reading week came and went, and now I'm about to plunge into the final six-week stretch of my first year of archival studies. And it will be no picnic: piles of reading, group presentations, term papers, irritating small assignments. So it's a good thing I'm posting now, because you probably won't hear from me again until it's all over.

I've had a series of "stupid" moments this week - you know, the kind that make you look like you have the intellect of Homer Simpson? Yeah.

On the bright side, I found out that I will be doing an internship at the Archives of Ontario (in Toronto) this summer, which will be really good, I think (hope!). So there's that.

Other things to look forward to:

1. a new Innocence Mission album this month
2. finishing knitting knee socks for my sister (soon, Adrienne, soon!)
3. bridal showers for Niki (I've been concocting some new designs for toilet paper wedding dresses!)
4. paska at Easter (toasted with butter is best!)
5. daffodils and tulips (I am currently enjoying crocuses and snow drops)

My New Hobby

2007-01-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos of my sister and I dogsledding in Whistler this Christmas. As you can see, Adrienne is "mushing."

Here's the view from the sled, where we were down wind from the dogs - as you can imagine, the smell was pretty bad!

Even more pictures...

2006-11-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

It seems like all I ever post now is pictures. It is a bit lazy, I know, but I'm a busy student now. These are all from Niki and Jason's engagement party a few weeks ago.

Niki and Melissa

Candid Niki

Sarah and Niki signing

Sarah - she's so cute!

The happy couple

Melissa, Niki, et moi.

I hope nobody minds that I'm posting pictures of them without their permission! I guess I'll find out..

2006-10-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post some pictures of my new neighbourhood, but haven't got around to it until now. So here's a glimpse into my new life as a Vancouverite:

A Fifteen-minute walk away from home is Spanish Banks.

This is my street.

The view from my bedroom window (sometimes it's tricky to tell what the weather is!).

So I live in what is pretty much the most beautiful neighbourhood in the Lower Mainland (probably in the Country), even if the photos don't do it justice. And I don't HAVE to go to Starbucks for coffee, (I mean, I can if I want since there are about five on campus and two in my immediate neighbourhood) since there are at least ten other coffee options just around the corner!

I love Vancouver.

Higher Education

2006-09-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

Yes I know. It's purple (aubergine, actually). You're jealous, aren't you Niki? Well, I just learned how to change the colour on my blog for school!

Good to know that grad school is good for something.

Guess Who?

2006-08-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

An amazing prize is available to the first person who can guess the true identities of the following "floating heads"!

Standing on Guard

2006-07-02T13:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Canada Day everyone!

Here are some shots of Niki and Hadrienne and I on our nation's Birthday.

Niki and I walking along False Creek...

to (very crowded) Granville Island...

chilling in Vanier Park...

Niki losing her battle with the shade...

the ocean at our feet...and strollers and kids and dogs.

That was a good day.

(Photos courtesy of meine Schwester)

Too much time...

2006-06-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures I took using my new Mac Book iSight Camera:

That's me!

Here's my brother Jared...

And here's Sam

Needless to say, we peed ourselves laughing! Well, not Sam. He thought he looked pretty good.

Photos from Jolly 'Ol England

2006-04-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Adrienne and Me at Westminster Abbey

Me in Hampstead Heath

Stonehenge

My adorable sister!

Me outside St. Paul's

'Allo!

2006-03-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hello friends.

I'm in London with my sister. We're having fun. At least, I know we're having fun, however little I feel it. Jet lag is a real drag. Seriously, plannning a trip really IS half the fun. We went to the British Library today, which had all sorts of goodies. They had a TON of Mozart's original compositions and his diary. Also other stuff, but I can't write about it now. I have to get ready to climb 6 storeys so that I can go to bed. Good-night. Or, good afternoon.

A Short Song

2006-02-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, but I've just been too tired and uninspired to write anything the past few weeks. So I'll share some lyrics from a song I love, to descibe my state of mind.

Hang my head low, so low.
Don't see me only as I am but
see me how I long to be
how I long to be.
Shining like a flowering tree
under a gray Pennsylvania sky.
Look for me as you go by.

Hang my head low, so low.
Every burden shall be lifted.
Every stone upon your back slide into the sea.
It's me for you and you for me,
It's me for you and you for me,
It's me for you and you for me...

"Look For Me As You Go By," by The Innocence Mission

An Evaluation

2006-02-01T09:49:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I don’t want to do any more “confessional” blog posts. It isn’t really “me” to advertise all my little problems to the world. These things should go no further than my diary (I don't keep a diary, but if I did, that's where they should stay). I think that, being relatively new to this whole “weblog” thing, I took my cues from other people with whom I otherwise have very little in common. In fact, in my debut post I wrote:

“I can’t really be too personal since that would only alienate readers... I don’t actually know yet what I will write about, but will try particularly hard not to turn this into a forum for my venting. It’s really not fun to listen to someone vent.”

There we have it. I am guilty of violating blog standards that I set up myself. So I will try to do something different - I’m just not sure what.

In the meantime, here’s a picture of Sam (because puppys always make people happy!).

Oh! And I found this other photo my dad took that you might enjoy! It's called "My Little Flowers."

Everyday Obsessions

2006-01-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

Ugh. This month will not end. For some reason, I have an image of January as sunny and cold. Not so this year. It has rained almost every day.

But there are things that make the dreariness more bearable. Things to look forward to and things to enjoy now. A trip to Europe in two months. A skiing weekend in Whistler next month. A rock show next week. A new album by little-known artist (Joanna Newsom - so weird, but so good). Toast with butter and honey. Mashed potatoes. Lemon Biscuits (man I love food!). Valentine’s Day (Yes! Valentine’s Day! But this has to do with food again, because I’m planning on making something special for my small group!). Vancouver Art Gallery with Niki on Sunday. Sunshine (who knows when?).

I have a habit of finding little morsels of pleasure or expectation and turning them into obsessions.

So far, so good

2006-01-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

I think most of my regular blog readers know this already, but I'm in the process of applying to grad schools. I've been talking about applying for a few years now, but I finally gathered the courage to actually do it. And I have to say, it's quite a lot of work, but so far a smooth process.

My biggest fear was asking for reference letters: what if my professors didn't remember me? what if they didn't think I was good enough for grad school? what if they just didn't like me? However, none of these anxieties produced any evidence, and I now have all my references lined up.

The most difficult part of applying, I have found, is endeavouring to convince the admissions committees of the sincerity of my desire to study Library/Information/Archival studies. I think I would enjoy it and would do well, but it's impossible for me to know absolutely that I won't want to quit in the middle of the first semester. But I try to be as honest as I can in my personal statements about my abilities and ambitions - that's all I can do.

The thing that's been motivating me through this process is the conviction that God wants me to do this. Not necessarily that he wants me to go to grad school, but that he wants me to apply. I know I need to take this risk and be in a position where I might be rejected. I THINK God wants me to get in, but I can't really know until I get the results back. But my desire to obey him has forced me to risk personal mortification and put myself in a terrifyingly vulnerable position. And that is definitely something I need to do more often.

Pathetic Excuse for a Post

2006-01-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

At this very moment I am avoiding something. In fact, I'm writing this post purely as an excuse not to do the thing I need to do. I am the biggest chicken. I'm afraid of people. And my irrational fear has caused me more problems than I even know. I could be somewhere else right now doing something a million times more exciting. But I'm stuck here because I've been letting fear rule my life.

Beautiful Change

2005-12-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

Whew! That was an intense weekend! Six hours of shopping on Friday, several hours of baking on Saturday, a birthday party, enough sugar to fill an entire shipping container, and a mean trick from a friend, all culminated into an emotional breakdown Sunday night that just about made my head explode. I hadn’t had a chance to just sit down and think about turning 25.

Well now I have a bit of time to reflect. Although I’m not so sure about 25 being a “milestone,” I certainly hope it is a turning point for me. I like the idea of turning points. But when I consider all the things that I want to have change in my life and in me, I am overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. And in the past, when I thought my life was about to change, it just stayed the same. I’ve asked God countless times to help me change and sometimes it seems as though things are happening but then they never do. I guess there are no such things as turning points, at least not for me. Instead, I need to consider every day a turning point, and daily redirect my focus to Christ and away from myself and my problems. Like filling in the blanks until they make a solid line - if they ever make a solid line.

I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid to do it. When I really think about it though, I’m even more afraid of doing nothing. I don’t want to turn 26 and find my life is exactly the same as when I turned 25.

(the title is from an Innocence Mission song I like - I know, it's a bit syrupy for me)

I Miss My Sister!!

2005-12-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

I do have a sister! I really do! Only you'd never know it, because she's far away in Germany. She's too busy eating chocolate and drinking beer in her liederhosen to give a thought to her poor, sober sister in BC. Oh Engl Dengl, I miss you.

“They flit, they float, they fleetly flee, they fly!”

2005-11-29T16:38:00.001-08:00

Snow fell in the Lower Mainland today. Last night, the weatherman’s predictions in mind , I went to the window to watch for signs of wintertime. I could just barely make out the scent of coming snow, mingled with wafts of our neighbours’ marijuana. We awoke this morning to a light dusting, but as the day progressed more snow fell until the grass was barely visible.

No other place on earth wears snow so well as BC, I think. The darkness and varying texture of the trees make the perfect backdrop for a soft white blanket. The jagged planes of the usually foreboding mountain peaks are rendered less ominous - even friendly - by snow. Maybe it’s just because winter is so dark here that anything light and bright lifts the general dispiritedness of BC winter. No wonder summer is so looked-forward to here.

The problem is, of course, that it doesn’t last. Snow is just H2O in solid state, and in BC water always reverts to it’s liquid form as quickly as possible. Most of the snow that fell today - already clumped together - melted as soon as it hit the ground. I hope those flakes had a lovely ride through the air as they flew to the earth. I wonder how many snowflakes a molecule of water participates in in one winter.

But I will try not to think about the brevity (and sometimes non-existence) of proper winter here. Instead, I will look forward to skiing jaunts in winter wonderlands, and to crocuses in January.

Reflections On My Idiocy

2005-11-14T10:36:00.001-08:00

#@*^&%@!!(*^(&$%*&@#!U(R(@&!@&$(%$#*!&H#K@&**#!!!!!!!!!!!!

How Was Your War?

2005-11-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

Below are some excerpts from my grandpa Bissky’s WWII Air Force diary. He left Canada for England in July 1941, when he was nineteen years old, and stayed for the duration of the war.

July 20, 1941

Got on board Shathnauer at Halifax at 11AM. Grand ship & good quarters. Cabin mate Roy Colwell. Weather fine.

July 25, 1941

Calm water
Changed escort at 11 o’clock - 7 Br destroyers - 2 subs sighted - both believed to have been sunk. Otherwise all quiet.

July 31, 1941

Left ship at 6:20 in the morning. On train at 7:00 & left at 7:15. Arrived Bornmouthe 5:30PM. Stayed at the Hotel Metropole. Took a walk around. Grand place. Weather cloudy & raining at times.

August 3, 1941

Posted to Odiham. 400 Squadron remnant of 110 all Canadian. Grand place. Tomihawks for aircraft. Weather fine.

August 9, 1941

Flew over to Oakland Hill in Harvard with N.S. Clarke. Started on “Tommy’s.” Beautiful aircraft, & no kidding. Fell in love with them right off the bat. Got in 3 hours of flying - Expect to finish tomorrow. Weather fine. Top Speed so far 350 M.P.H. on “Tommy’s” Aug. 9.

August 14, 1941

LUCKY DAY. Lucky is right - ran into a pile of bombs - fortunate to be alive. Weather not too bad. AH895B my aircraft.

August 17, 1941

Mock Invasion this morning at 6 o’clock & air attack - camp taken - some fun. Weather not too bad - cloudy & scattered rain - flew today.

September 2, 1941

Nothing doing all day - wasted - no flying - Grant crashed my plane - 2 killed in a Blenheim - crashed & k----- just outside our field on take off - one engine out.

September 4, 1941

Flew formation all afternoon - foggy in morning - weather fair. Lovely moon at night - sat and talked til 1 o’clock.

September 17, 1941

Jack McGrath flew me down to Brighton in Lyzzy - Saw Harry. Stayed overnight - nice time. weather good.

Halloween Good. No Halloween Bad.

2005-10-31T16:12:00.001-08:00

I love Halloween. I love dressing up, I love trick-or-treating, and I love the spookiness and quasi-chaos of Halloween night. Not that my participation extends beyond handing out candy anymore (obviously), but I fully support anyone who does.

My favourite halloween scene is in Meet Me In St. Louis - the Judy Garland flick famous for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," ironically On Halloween night all the children of a middle-class neighbourhood take to the streets in bizarre gender-bending costumes. They throw old furniture into a giant bonfire, dance, and make oaths to “kill” certain adults in town (“killing” means throwing flour in a person’s face and saying “I hate you!”). It’s kid anarchy! And all of this is done with the knowledge and consent of their parents. Whether or not it's based on reality, I think this is what Halloween should be: a safe time and place for kids to go crazy.

Another reason why I like Halloween is that all the ghosts and zombies and goblins remind us of our mortality. Maybe this is stretching it a bit, but I really think it’s true! Some day our flesh will rot and we will be skeletons (if we’re not cremated, that is). But I’m not really sure if our society needs any more sensational reminders of death (we have three CSI’s, after all). I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just thought I should come out as a Halloween-loving Christian.

Nothing Doing

2005-10-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

I heard a rumour that people from Maple Ridge don’t “blog” enough, so I thought I’d better post today since I haven’t done so since Monday. You know, it makes sense that we should be blogging every day because so much happens here in Maple Ridge. It’s just a hotbed of excitement.

Do you ever have times when you don’t feel anything? Emotions, I mean. Sometimes I do and it’s a bit disconcerting. As a, um, woman , I’m used to often feeling several things all at once. So I don’t like it when no strong feelings are being registered in my brain. Of course my dislike of not feeling isn’t very strong, because, of course, I can’t really feel. Annoying.

I've learned not to put much faith in my emotions anyways. I know that they’re fleeting; only a vague translation of what’s actually in my heart. Not that I think emotions come from my heart either - I know they come from my brain and hormones (those evil chemicals that try to control a person). What I’m trying to say is that emotions are meaningless. They don’t tell us anything about how we should act or even about what we really want.

So it’s actually good when I don’t feel anything. The world should seem clearer and I should be able to make rational decisions. It’s just a bit boring.

I Can Be a Fan!

2005-10-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Canucks game on Saturday night and, I have to say, I had fun. Granted, I did spend quite a lot of time making fun of hockey culture with my dad, and I zoned out more than a few times (I missed most of the goals). But the moments when I was paying attention, I was into it. I cheered along with everyone else; I booed; I did the wave. Just in case there’s anyone out there who thinks I am incapable of appreciating hockey.

One thing I don’t get: why do the players body-check each other so randomly? They could be no where near the puck when one player shoves another into the boards, eliciting cheers or boos from the crowd. What’s with that?

The astonishing thing to me is how thousands of people can make exactly the same vowel sound at exactly the same moment! Everyone seems to know instinctively when an “aaaahhhh,” or an “ooohhhhhh,” or an “oooooo” is required. Amazing. It would make a fascinating study for Professor Higgins.

Of Mice and Lady Macbeth

2005-10-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

I decided to change the name of my blog on the suggestion of by roommate's boyfriend. "Marla Mouse" was a nickname my uncle gave me when I was little, and I didn't give it much thought when I named the blog. But it has started to bother me, because it suggests (as Jason said) meekness (which is not necessarily a bad thing), and quietness (also can be good) and fear (definitely not good). It's disheartening when I see how I've lived up to the childhood nickname. I have never wanted to be timid and shy, but that's how I've turned out.

In my last year at UBC I took a Shakespeare class which was, unquestionably, the best class I've ever taken. Despite my enjoyment and enthusiasm for the course, I didn't say anything the whole two terms. I just sat there, dumbly, listening but not contributing. Literally no sounds came out of my mouth in that class, except for when we did a mandatory performance and I was Lady Macbeth - I had memorized the part by heart - and I completely forgot every word and had to read it (there's NO way I was convincing as the “unsexed" power whore!). It really just comes down to a fear of rejection.

But no more, I say. I will be a contributer. I will give voice to my various (and often contradictory) thoughts and opinions! No more intimidation! Thanks Jason.

Career Caper

2005-10-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

When I was little, my parents told me that I could do anything I wanted. When you’re young, and growing up is so far away, this is exhilarating. I used to daydream about myself in every career imaginable, and my aspirations were usually acted out by my Barbie dolls (she could be a secret agent, an architect, and a fairy princess all in one day!). If I could do anything, then I could do everything! Once I got a little bit older, though, this idea became a bit overwhelming. I had so many interests, how was I going to settle on one occupation?

When I was a teenager, I recognised these tendencies in myself. So I decided to lock into a career path, to prevent myself from changing my mind. All through high school I was focused on one single career goal: to be a doctor. I never thought of doing anything else. At the end of my first term as a science undergrad, I made the decision to switch to Arts and give up on becoming a doctor. I could never really figure out how I was going to breeze through medical school, spend a year abroad, get married, and have three kids by the time I was 26 anyway. Plus I had just flunked my Chemistry final spectacularly. I remember walking around campus in a daze as a world of opportunity literally opened up before me. What could I do now? It was terribly exciting.

The frustrating thing is that I have barely moved from that spot in the last seven years. I finished an English BA, I’ve traveled, I’ve made some money - but no real progress towards a vocation. I have considered that maybe I don’t really want a career; that maybe all I really want to do is work until I get married and have babies. But I know that kids grow up, and I really have no desire to be one of those moms with grown-up kids who fills her weekdays with coffee dates and shopping at Winners. Plus I want to be able to DO something - to make a contribution in some field. I just haven’t stopped daydreaming about every career imaginable. I’m afraid that if I choose something, I’ll regret it and wish I had chosen something else.

It’s funny how paralysing it is to have someone tell you that you can do anything. Sometimes I think that having more options has actually restricted me. I almost wish that someone would block off all my opportunities so that I would be forced into some vocation, or at least rebel. I think that’s one of the things I like about Victorian novels: the heroines have only two “career” options, so anything above or beyond them is an achievement. So maybe I’m just lazy. And I can’t commit.

2005-10-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

After perusing and commenting on many different friends’ blogs, I thought I had better stop being a blog moocher and start my own. This has several perks, such as: I can write about whatever I like; I can have the final say on everything; and, I can write about myself as much as I like. The drawbacks are, of course: no one may want to read my blog or post any comments; I will have to make posts on a regular basis; and, I can’t really be too personal since that would only alienate readers. So, it looks as though I will have fight my dictatorial urges. Yes, I believe that is the key to successful blogging. I declare this blog to be a democracy, with me as president. And as its president I will endeavor to make my posts as interesting as possible. I can only write what I know or experience personally - which isn’t very much; anything beyond that is speculation. I don’t actually know yet what I will write about, but will try particularly hard not to turn this into a forum for my venting. It’s really not fun to listen to someone vent. I will, of course, do my utmost to maintain the highest quality of spelling and grammar, although I don’t necessarily expect the same from potential commenters (not wanting to alienate anyone, remember). Finally, I will not allow my posts to become angry, vengeful, spiteful, or in any way hurtful to people. Commenters may, however, be all of the above if they wish. Isn’t that kind of me? I’m an awfully good president.